Let me try something new today. Enough with poems and rhymes, though I’m tempted to start writing in prose. I’d like to write about why I write. I write to put into words what I can only feel but fail to comprehend. It helps shape my thoughts into something comprehensive from the heaving mess that they usually are. I’m yet to break my self down to understandable portions. I’m hoping this is common so I can figure it out with someone. Tired of hearing how, “I know best”, when quite honestly, I don’t. How is one sure of what they want? Where does the faith come from? Faith in oneself to understand all the signals and clues? May be it comes naturally to most, but I find that my ears turn deaf to the call within.
My disposition has landed me into a series of unfortunate events, that have been more than taxing to live through. To try to survive without your inner guide, is as bad as being lost in a jungle without a compass. I find that most times I could have been saved a lot of misery, and could have saved others from a similar fate, if only I was aware. It seems like I cried wolf to my self way too many times and now my warning bells go unheard.
What I’m trying to say here, and maybe failing at, is that the path of self discovery should precede any other “journey” we begin. Or at least till the time, we walk this road, all other adventures should be detours. Or that’s my take on it. One must try at an early age to pin point the things that make them wake up in the morning with excitement or enthusiasm. To put it off to another day is a gamble with all the odds against you. Man is alive now, and he must know his destiny in the moment he lives in. I made the mistake of going too far on a detour and now I can’t seem to find the highway.
There are very few who are born with the knack for knowing their subconscious. For us lesser mortals, hit and trial is a highly risky, and yet the only option open. One thing I noticed to be true in all my hits, and misses, was that it gets worse with every attempt. And life doesn’t give you a “time-out” to figure it out. The lack of self awareness snowballs into ultimate calamity.
In such times, some truths always saw me through. I share them here for those who are sailing in my boat. I still take up the most room. I doubt there’s another soul as clueless as me out there.
1. Mum is literally always right. The woman has an inbuilt alarm that goes off whenever she senses that something’s threatening you. Listen to her.
2. Have a friend around to bounce your doubt off of. It’ll help you get in touch with how you really feel. My best friend tells me to pull my socks up even before I do something to get myself in a soup.
3. Admit to your flaws and failings. Accepting you have a problem is the only way to even have a shot at fixing it. Conscious thought and effort are your only hope mate…
4. NEVER ever turn your back to those who love you. These people are wise and sensitive. They would have to be. Loving someone who doesn’t know their own selves takes a higher being.
5. Patience is a virtue for more reasons than I can count. You took a pretty long time to mess your life up. Give life some time to straighten you out.
6. Solitude helps only if you know how to use it. Otherwise, it’s just an excuse to let depression settle in. Be very careful of crossing the line beyond which help is scarce.
7. Music is my saviour. Truly, the kind of pain Pink Floyd will heal, morphine wont. Trust the big guys. They knew what they were talking about. Enjoy their weed induced wisdom without the aftermath.
8. Believe in yourself. Or you will fail yourself each and every single time. The victories will turn to defeat before you can finish your thank you speech.
9. Invest. Invest in something that drives you. Invest emotionally, physically, and mentally. You need to know that it matters that you pick yourself up. Something must drive you to take the responsibility on your shoulders for its success or failure. Try it. It works. You’ll find out a truck load about yourself.
10. Lastly, only what you truly wants will ever come to you. Ask yourself what you want every day and see the difference. You will find yourself with some answers and some blanks. The blanks take time to fill out, but the answers will guide you in understanding your desires and needs much more than this blog will.
I hope that the reader finds something useful here. This is the crux of all the mails I’ve been getting lately.. Yeah the ones that try to get me to see the bigger picture and life coach like raving and ranting. All the things that are supposed to make you feel warm and fuzzy.. full of hope, not all pretty, not all easy, will help you smoothen out the creases in the blueprint of your lives. The harder it seems now, the easier it gets later. Give yourself a chance. That’s all I ask.