More Than Words


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The clock strikes the hour once again,
The bells toll in their towers,
Once again that moment is back,
When the world seemed to lose all its powers.

Once again I’m back to that night,
When I heard her voice break into a million bits,
When the winds blew once and changed all I knew,
No piece of our life, went back to where it fits.

I miss you today, more than I can say,
I miss your smile more than anything,
Compassion designed every word you said,
You built me up, taught me how to sing.

Everything, every single thing,
Has changed itself over since,
You left and left broken hearts in your wake,
Nothing is same my friend, hence.

You’re at peace, that I know,
I know you’re here too,
I know you’re the voice in my head,
I know my Ogre, I know its you.

Let’s take a ride on your bike again,
Let’s see the brilliance of the light,
Let’s eat all that we can find,
Let’s, for old times sake, let’s fight.

I can never do you justice,
Through my words or my thoughts alone,
I couldn’t ever do you justice,
You’re far greater than anyone I’ve known.

I wish you would come back,
And make everything right again,
You’ve left behind a legacy,
Of great heart, love and pain.

I miss you, that’s all I can say,
More than I can say, I miss you,
I miss my friend, I miss us,
Rest In Peace, in the heaven’s blue.

Heaven’s Gates


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Everything has changed,
Radically different lives,
Radically different people,
As if I look upon the world from a steeple.

Heart’s change their beat,
Eyes change their color,
With every step I change the course,
Of my journey, with brute force.

Standing in the distance is our past,
Reminding us of times long gone,
When we wanted to run to our now,
And today we stand here wondering how.

How did the paths change,
Twist upon themselves,
And bring us here,
Leave us wondering if anyone is near.

But I see just you in my eyes,
A little brighter today,
A reflection of us alone,
Just so in my heart you fit.

Our lives melt together,
Like a kaleidoscopic mirror,
We see the world go by,
Like watching the clouds against the sky.

Archaic change constantly haunts,
We fall in step with life,
Holding hands we’ll walk to one side,
Weathering the storm, rain and the tide.

Like those stories we heard,
Of the happily ever afters,
We will live them with stubborn resolve,
Until fate’s stoic resistance dissolves.

Wait for me, and I shall follow,
Follow you into the love,
At the end of time that waits,
Welcomes us, at Heaven’ Gates.

Darkness in Disguise


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At the speed of light,
This  puzzle is changing,
In a moment alone,
The shadows are fading.

Strength seeps back,
Into my hands and into my heart,
I suddenly see the truth,
All but clouded from the start.

Slow but sure am I,
As I begin to conceive,
Healing is contentment,
In the lessons we receive.

Some dreams that shattered,
Were just the blessing,
I couldn’t see beyond the tears then,
Mea Culpa, I am now confessing.

Leaving behind the many follies,
I ask for almighty’s kind forgiveness,
May today fairness be mine,
Interspersed with some happiness.

I’ll carry my lessons with me,
Bravely decorated with them I’ll live,
My badge of honor they shall be,
Until there’s nothing left to forgive.

One day when you will arrive,
You’ll hold my hand and sit beside,
We’ll know the truth and dream together,
Wont ever let that faith subside.

Love is designed to be crazy
Life is nothing without a fight,
Being with you is enough,
All I could want, if I might.

I came to you broken,
You fixed me and made me right,
Heartbreak is just God,
Disguised as the darkness at night.

 

Mea Culpa


The light within that shines,
The one that dims with time,
Through no one’s folly,
But my own, Mea Culpa.

The cross i bear upon my heart,
That wasn’t there from the start,
Its carved out of no one’s sins,
But my own, Mea Culpa.

Nightmares that I see at night,
Of my and my beloved’s fight,
The doom of no one’s love,
But my own, Mea Culpa.

The way the world looks at me,
This world that I want to flee,
The unrest is no one’s,
But my own, Mea Culpa.

Utter silence of my soul,
A heart as burnt as coal,
Is there no one left to save me,
But me alone, Mea Culpa.

I confess to my sins,
And welcome in me the pins,
Of god’s punishment and my karma,
For my salvation alone, Mea Culpa.

What remains with me now,
Is just the when and the how,
Of my past and the lessons learnt,
All just my own, Mea Culpa.

But daylight is here once more,
To sooth my soul so sore,
I begin to heal with love,
With me remains, Mea Culpa.

Hands folded again in prayer,
I kneel in reverence of my past,
For it’s been my greatest teacher,
And will save me from Mea Culpa.

And while the karmic powers,
Conspire and aspire for me,
I shall forever remember,
Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maximus Culpa…

Waking Up.


Face down, out of breath, as you try to push your pain away with lifeless limbs, and when you find yourself screaming into your pillow, you know the time has come. You always knew something was wrong. You always told yourself you’re nuts to be unhappy. In spite of your intuition and despite your misery, you carry on telling yourself how happy you are. You know what I call that? I call that waking up. I call it falling out of love. I know Love is described as the nearest one can get to living a fairy tale, but life isn’t a fairy tale. It’s a satire. It’s more like a dark comedy, if you have the sense of humor to digest it, of course.

After seeing the dark side of the moon that is my life, I decided that I needed to figure myself out. Who am I, outside the imaginary fairy tale I’d been living in. I needed to answer some very hard and very harsh questions. The answers that I deserve would never come from the quarters that owe them to me. So once again, I found myself searching my own soul for closure. A friend calls what I did next “running away”. I call it a time out. My life has become a series of unfortunate events and I’m tired and exhausted. To step out of this vicious circle of crap, I went to the only place on the planet that offers sanctuary to even the unholiest of men, my parents. I did nothing, I spoke to no one. My days became a cocktail of big bang theory, how i met your mother, gossip girl, and many movies. I did nothing. except walk. I walked for hours every evening. I wasn’t ready to speak to anyone. So I spoke to myself. I realized a few things. A little too late, but at least some of my questions were answered.

I realized that the boundaries of compromise can be very delicate. And once broken, the consequences can be severe enough to kill the cause of the sacrifice. There is only so much one should bend. Even for love. Specially for love.

The voice inside that says No is the one to hear. the voice inside that Yes, should be the one that guides you. Listen to yourself before letting in the noise from everyone around. There’s a truth about you that only you know and only you can fight for. And if you don’t, it will defeat you. So don’t run. Not from who you are, nor towards who you’re not. Its a habit on the to break list, definitely.

While I walked up and down the same roads every day, I found myself averse to trying out new routes, and the one day that Dad insisted I try a different path, I went along, but came back to my route the very next day. That’s life. A false sense of comfort and a habit of the familiar begin to dictate the course of our life too. We forget to try new things. We forget to break old habits. We forget that change is constant and that is fact to be embraced. You cannot hold on to something that is destined to go away. Someone once commented on a one of my poems, “The art of losing is not hard to master – some things are so filled with intent of loss, that losing them is no disaster.” I’ve learnt to lose. I’ve learnt that the only way I can do it with a smile on my face, is to get used to it. If in the attempt to adapt, a few wins come my way, I will be consider myself blessed.

You could sky write your whole destiny in hope to making it come true with the power of thought but only what is destined will happen- wrong. I used to think I don’t control what happens to me. It’s all decided by the big guy upstairs. What I’ve realized now is that the way i want my life to be, it will turn out to be like that, only I didn’t know how it was done before. Now, I think I have a fairly better idea. Practice. Practice to have faith. Not only in your desires but in your own capability to fulfill these desires for yourself. Why is it that the pair of shoes we see in the shops ends up in our closet a week later? Because we know that I want it. I can get them when my pay cheque arrives. So i have to work for another week to get them. But when we fall in love, we are ridden with thoughts of betrayal and insecurity, but we pray that we ride into the sunset with our beloved. So we know what we want, but have no faith in our ability to get it. Is it any surprise that you aren’t the somebody that rode away.. It’s no surprise at all.

Lastly, there are some things that are honestly out of your control. Maybe while you were praying for rain, someone else was praying for sunshine and they prayed a little harder than you. Forgive yourself. If you want a shot at your future, forgive yourself before you consider forgiving those who wronged you. Within this life, the scores of Karma are settled. So there is very little left for us to do, save forgiving yourself for mistakes made out of being blind and foolish in love, and atone for the ones we made to hurt other. Leave the justice of the world to God. Nothing you don’t need will ever happen to you, whether you realize it or not.

I’d just like to leave you with this thought, that it isn’t over until the fat lady sings. So don’t draw the curtain on your own play.

Today I Pray


It’s beyond me, this upheaval,

Your request to me is, most medieval,

The very core of faith, you question,

At the very thought of me, or mention.

 

Stunning it has become, this spectacle,

How often we go back and forth is despicable,

I’m beginning to feel like your toy,

I ask myself, in love, when was it lost, the joy.

 

We have bent over, and now stand broken,

It seems like a fairy tale, all that we had ever spoken,

Lovely as words, but just a fantasy,

Our conversations left me drunk with ecstasy.

 

Forgive and forget is a concept well forgotten,

Promises now weigh in lighter than cotton,

Betrayal and deceit are rampant everywhere,

Show me what is left of the life we shared.

 

Wise is he who stands by his conviction,

An aberration gets passed of as fiction,

As the sun sets on us, all that one can say,

Is that the town of vindication wont come my way.

 

My heart and bones lie broken in the corner,

I look on in silence, their solitary mourner,

This is what I call a modern-day tragedy,

How young lives get wasted, such travesty.

  

Are these your justifications or are they excuses,

I don’t believe even you after these bruises,

My glass swings between being half full and otherwise,

There’s no respite from my soul’s constant cries.

 

You sail in the same boat, you say,

Liar, your boat, in the opposite direction sails away,

Leaving the pieces for me to pick up alone,

But my courage, now no longer is my own.

 

Puppets I feel we’ve both become,

All strings attached and always glum,

Dancing to the tunes of fate,

Our stage stands black with hate.

  

Dear lord, today I pray,

May no one see a life so gray,

The canvas that was the whitest of whites,

Now stands stained with betrayal’s graphite.

 

A lot about love and loss is written,

I doubt if I can chew what I’ve bitten,

I hope from you, not far I stray,

May you find your heart, today I pray.