Without You


Without You

What do I need from you,
Nothing much I guess,
Except perhaps a look,
Making me a mess.

What could I ask for,
What have you not given,
May just be a chance,
To forgive and be forgiven.

What can I possibly now say,
See, I’ve been around a while,
But I’m still looking for something,
That can just like that, make me smile.

Even now, when all is but over,
I just don’t know what to give,
To make us more beautiful,
That call out to us, to live.

What is still missing.
Between you and I,
That poems must remain,
The way you look in my eyes.

I don’t know what to say,
I don’t know what to do,
All I know, my love, is that,
Something’s missing, without you.

Walking Away


Image

Days have gone by since,
Since we sat hand in hand,
Since we spoke into the night,
Since we walked in the sand.

You took me surprise,
As you said you’ll be by my side,
I could only watch in wonder,
As the world seemed to hide.

Things have changed now,
You’re apprehensive,
About what we have,
You’re so defensive.

Intimidated by the intimacy,
Afraid of the light,
Unfortunately it isn’t me,
Who you seem to be with in a fight.

We don’t talk about us anymore,
We talk in dialogues of blames,
Friends and enemies the same,
Who just play nasty games.

You and I were walking together,
Or such was what I had thought,
But my naivety be damned,
Now it turns out we’re not.

But i’m happy to walk away,
I know how bad hearts can ache,
I’m happy to be your friend,
Unlike lovers, friends are never fake.

So I’ll sit with you still,
And live along with you each day,
I’ll kill my heart,
As I’m walking away.

You’ll Be Fine


It’s a funny thing,
The desire to defend,
Another from a foe,
Unknown, yet hated.

A friend might love,
As unconditionally,
As would a parent,
Love their child.

It’s protective and defensive,
It’s easy and eccentric
This bond between,
Two friends like us.

You’ll push me to mischief,
Save me from its consequences,
Force me to take chances,
And mend my broken heart.

The urge to share,
Every moment of everyday,
Some incidents with mirth,
Others with remorse.

You are my witness,
As am I yours,
Our trails run parallel,
Right through each other’s hearts.

Secret-keeper, mystery-seeker,
Confessional, my arsenal,
I need no other,
With you riding shotgun.

You’re my team,
We’re two of a kind,
Wreck havoc on him,
On whom we set our minds.

After all these years,
I believe you every time,
When you look at me in tears,
And tell me, “You’ll be fine.”

Today


A little closer,
I come,
To you and to me,
Today.

I don’t know,
Who we are,
I don’t care,
I never did.

All I see,
Is  a breath,
Between us,
Shared.

A little warmer,
I feel inside,
Because of you,
With me today.

Hopelessly romantic,
I may be,
But the truth,
You cannot deny.

Close your eyes,
And open your heart,
For this day,
Will die tomorrow.

And tomorrow,
Will be gone,
With or without,
You and I.

Live for yourself,
Not for fear,
Nor for me,
But for  love.

My friend,
Be here,
With me,
Today.

So Beautiful


Promises are beautiful,
The simplest expression of love,
Of love of every kind,
The expression itself, so beautiful.

Simple things,
Like my lover’s poem,
A friend’s jokes,
All, such simple things.

A little look,
At you with a naughty smile,
And I see your eyes light up,
Just with a little look.

You hold my hand,
As we cross the street,
Just because you want to,
Tight, you hold my hand.

When you’re sad and broken,
I’ll find you in the darkest corners,
Just to make you mine,
So you’re sad and broken no more.

I made a promise to love you,
With all my silliness and frivolousness intact,
With the best that I can be and more,
I promise to always love you.

Life is so beautiful,
With you by my side,
My sweet lover and dear friend,
Life can be so beautiful.

Are You Friends With Yourself?


I dont take any credit for this. I believe things find their way to you for a reason. And this piece found its way to me.. Must be a reason, right? So i’ll share this with you. It may be something you were waiting for too..

They’re the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs – the ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be.  These people – your real family – are the ones who truly matter.

Here are twenty tips to help you find and foster these special relationships.

  1. Free yourself from negative people. – Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.  Relationships should help you, not hurt you.  Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be.  Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.  Life is too short to spend time with people who su*k the happiness out of you.  When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being YOU is the only way to truly live. 
  2. Let go of those who are already gone. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need.  When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave.  The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on.  We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.  So when people walk away from you, let them go.   Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you.  It doesn’t mean they are bad people; it just means that their part in your story is over.
  3. Give people you don’t know a fair chance. – When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story.  Everyone has gone through something that has changed them, and forced them to grow.  Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.  We meet no ordinary people in our lives.  If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer.  So appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment.  Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
  4. Show everyone kindness and respect. – Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.  There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.  People will notice your kindness.
  5. Accept people just the way they are. – In most cases it’s impossible to change them anyway, and it’s rude to try.  So save yourself from needless stress.  Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example.
  6. Encourage others and cheer for them. – Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
  7. Be your imperfectly perfect self. – In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self.  And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same.  Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress.  Be your imperfectly perfect self around them.  We are not perfect for everyone, we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to get to know us and love us for who we really are.  And to those select few, being our imperfectly perfect self is what they love about us.
  8. Forgive people and move forward. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the remedy.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.  Remember, the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.
  9. Do little things every day for others. – Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.  You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people.  Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty.
  10. Pay attention to who your real friends are. – As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.  Remember, life is kind of like a party.  You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late.  But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess.  And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess.  These people are your real friends in life.  They are the ones who matter most.
  11. Always be loyal. – True love and real friendship aren’t about being inseparable. These relationships are about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.  When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority.  Loyalty is everything.
  12. Stay in better touch with people who matter to you. – In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection.  Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart.  So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words.  Stay in touch with those who matter to you.  Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort.  Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.  Paying attention to these people is a priority.
  13. Keep your promises and tell the truth. – If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT!  If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE!  If you say you feel something, MEAN IT!  If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE.  It’s always better to tell people the truth up front.  Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts.  Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies.  Remember, love and friendship don’t hurt.  Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts.  Never mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of yours.  Always be open and honest.
  14. Give what you want to receive. – Don’t expect what you are not willing to give.  Start practicing the golden rule.  If you want love, give love.  If you want friends, be friendly.  If you want money, provide value.  It works.  It really is this simple. 
  15. Say what you mean and mean what you say. – Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable.  Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication functioning.  Start communicating clearly.  Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people try to read yours.  Most problems, big and small, within a family, friendship, or business relationship, start with bad communication.
  16. Allow others to make their own decisions. – Do not judge others by your own past.  They are living a different life than you are.  What might be good for one person may not be good for another.  What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better.  Allow people to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.
  17. Talk a little less, and listen more. – Less advice is often the best advice.  People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement.  What they want to know is often already somewhere inside of them.  They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.
  18. Leave petty arguments alone. – Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.  There are many roads to what’s right.  And most of the time it just doesn’t matter that much.
  19. Ignore unconstructive, hurtful commentary. – No one has the right to judge you.  They might have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through.  No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently.  So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right.  What most people think and say about you isn’t all that important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.
  20. Pay attention to your relationship with yourself. – One of the most painful things in life is losing yourself in the process of loving others too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters?  When was the last time someone told you that you did a good job, or took you someplace, simply because they know you feel happy when you’re there?  When was the last time that ‘someone’ was YOU?

IT Happens Only In India (Part 1)


I sat on the bed. Barely able to breathe. Heart lodged in my throat. Palms sweating. One eye on the clock and the other on the phone. Nervously checking if the network was clear. That’s when the pacing started, I wore out the floor with my frantic walking up and down the room. Every time the phone would ring, I’d jump right outta my skin. And unsurprisingly, it always turned out to be customer care or telemarketing or my mum telling me to calm the hell down. So far, it wasn’t working. I took a friend’s advice and decided to step out. Distract myself a little bit. And so it was that i landed up at a crowded mall with a few friends to shop, when finally the phone did ring and it was the call that i’d been waiting for all day. I ran to the nearest restroom and picked up. Ten minutes later, I walked out of the restroom, absolutely stunned. My friends looking at me like they’d seen a ghost. I sat down and Abhinav asked,” So? What did they say?” Literally incapable of speech, I took a deep breath and broke the news to everyone,”I made it.”

The next two weeks seem like a blur to me. They passed in a flurry of collecting documents, finishing the pending formalities at the college, shopping, etc. Fast forward to April 6th, my first day at TelMaximus. I entered the lobby, outwardly confident in my Austin Reed suit, and a nervous as all hell on the inside. The lobby seemed quiet, the receptionist asked me to take a seat, said someone would be down shortly to get me. Within the next few minutes, I saw a familiar face. Prerna Kulkarni, apart from me, the other candidate who’d made it. We looked at each other and a wide smile spread across our faces. I’m not sure, but i think we both muttered, “thank god” under our breaths when we saw each other. While we were talking about what we both expected the day had in store for us, a lady walked into the reception to fetch us and took us to another lobby where at least 50 more people were waiting. “Laterals”, says Prerna. I looked a her with a mighty confused expression and she clarified, “off campus, or non- freshers”, comprehension dawned, and I made a mental note to not let my ignorance all hang out next time.

As we walked down to the induction hall, I soaked in my surroundings. Mahogany paneled corridors, people silently working in their cubicles, high security areas with guards, it all seemed like a lot to take in. The induction began, let me not beat around the proverbial bush here, but the whole thing kinda sucked. Prerna and I kept shooting each other looks of utter boredom. I’m sure I saw a couple of people dosing off, I was one of them. Thankfully we got pulled out of the induction by Pramod, our new boss, for our very first team lunch. What shall follow shall be a lesson in the subtle art of deception, but we’ll get to that later. And so it was that Prerna and I went on our first lunch with Pramod and Anirudh, a senior in our team, as a part of the Global Alliances and Channels team.

That day, I got home at 8 p.m. and met Abhi and Abhik(funny, I know. They were roommates too at the time.), and we spoke about what happened that day and how exciting it was that this time had finally come in our lives where we could finally say, that we’re standing on our own two feet. We had dinner and they left early to let me catch some sleep. That was the first time, in a long time that I hit the bed and fell asleep in seconds of getting in. I woke up straight to the sound of the alarm at 6. I couldnt wait to get back in there. Today was when I was to get my I Card and my cubicle, my desktop…. so excited.

The office was a good 15 kms away. I got an early start and was at work at 9 sharp. Prerna joined me shortly ad we both went and met Srishti, from our new team. She was Prerna’s classmate from MBA and had referred her for this job. A petite and pretty girl, piercingly intelligent eyes and an extremely quiet personality. I could see this was not going to be an affair to remember at all. I was going to have trouble with this girl. She showed us our seats and went along with us to get our formalities sorted. We were just getting comfortable at our new desks, when Shreeram Cherian walked on to the floor. We’d met him during our interviews. He was our new manager. Simple, portly fellow… unassuming. I instantly took a liking to him. There was something very protective about him. Just like a manger should be. We discussed our first few basic assignments and then he left us to it. So I finally had my show on the road. My job, colleagues, managers and their bosses- all sorted. Thus, began my introduction to the world of the cubicle jungle and the over crowded canteens. IT, truly, happens only in India.

Sailor and Sensei.


Two friends, a Sailor and a Sensei, amidst a conversation about love, friendship and camaraderie, found an interesting interlude and share it here for all to see. My good friend Arjun (http://arjun1097.wordpress.com/), the sailor, this one is going out all guns blazing.

Sailor: I fly where my heart taketh
The shining light I must follow
Like a moth to a flame
I’ll burn but with peace.

Sensei: Fly where your heart taketh?
Pay no heed to your mind?
This journey is too long my dear,
To be wasted chasing birds of the wrong kind.

Sailor: The heart desires but is naive
It knows not good from bad
Makes me chase them birdies
But in d end I always return heartbroken;sad.

Sensei: Let the mind guide thy heart,
The heart shall always stumble,
The wounds  won’t heal soon,
Why must with ur loyalties you fumble.

Salior: Call me a hopeless romantic
A servent of my petty heart.
I seek inadvertent destruction
I guess ive been d same from start

Sensei: Follow your bliss lil one,
Pay no heed to my cynicism,
life was never fair lil one,
My romantic antics were always met with criticism.

Sailor: But why is that sensei?
Who tainted an emotion so pure?
Replaced by sex lies n deciet
Along with selfish materialistic lures

Sensei: Why must I put a name
The faces were so many
Even the purity of friendship was lost
And all that I was, was sold for a penny.

Sailor: Where did we stray?
N how do we come back?
Atleast I have u sensei
Amidst all of this crap

Sensei: You do, my companion from afar,
May this journey lead us back,
To the place where it all began,
Where all was good we were on the right track.

Sailor: The prints have been smudged
Blown clear with the wind
Only road lies ahead unexplored
Who knows what tales it sings?

Sensei: Its only human to err,
Bring on the future,
It’ll be all good,
I’m done with the torture.

Sailor: Wish I had ur swagger sensei.
I feel subdued like a lil mouse.
Hiding deep inside
The confines of my house

Sensei: Give yourself credit sailor,
You’re as honest as they come,
Swagger and shit be damned,
Oodles of confidence, could I have some?

Sailor: U need none sensei
Ur already a master.
Wouldnt wanna mess with u
That’ll just end a disaster

Sensei: You leave me stumped yoda,
There is a puzzle I see on this scene,
You seem to have christened me,
Tell me, what does sensei mean??

Sailor: Sensei means guru in japanese
Use a thing called google.
Sensei are masters of living elements
N enjoy eating soupy noodles

Sensei: Oriental I could tell it was,
But as for my sloth,
I blame my brother,
He’s on the net and I don’t wanna invite his wrath. ,

Sailor: Lol d net sucks my balance
The stupid plan hasnt activated yet.
Btw meeting a friend tomorrow
Everything looks set.

Sensei: They call it a gprs pack,
Call the folks at customer care,
Yay for tomorrow’s plans,
Hope you enjoy the company and the hearty fare.

Sailor: Stupid thing takes a day to start
Whose idea was that?
Ppl wanna be online dont they know?
I wanna beat em till they crack

Sensei: Feel for you matey,
my blood boils every time,
A bill or a plan must change,
Days it takes for peace to be mine.

Sailor: Who gets these ideas really?
Sucks to d core right?
Sensei before my balance runs dry
M gonna have to say nitey nite.

Sensei: Aww you poor thing,
Nightcrawler must retire,
Make the most of it,
Rest you bones, weary and tired.

Sailor: Goodbye for now sensei
Do copy the entire poem down
It may be stupid
But I like d way it sounds.

Sensei: Will do my best kiddo,
Quite stupid I find this app,
But this conversation has been special,
I’ll let you go ahead and catch a nap.

Sailor: Nitey nite sensei.

Give Yourself A Chance


Let me try something new today. Enough with poems and rhymes, though I’m tempted to start writing in prose. I’d like to write about why I write. I write to put into words what I can only feel but fail to comprehend. It helps shape my thoughts into something comprehensive from the heaving mess that they usually are. I’m yet to break my self down to understandable portions. I’m hoping this is common so I can figure it out with someone. Tired of hearing how, “I know best”, when quite honestly, I don’t. How is one sure of what they want? Where does the faith come from? Faith in oneself to understand all the signals and clues? May be it comes naturally to most, but I find that my ears turn deaf to the call within.

My disposition has landed me into a series of unfortunate events, that have been more than taxing to live through. To try to survive without your inner guide, is as bad as being lost in a jungle without a compass. I find that most times I could have been saved a lot of misery, and could have saved others from a similar fate, if only I was aware. It seems like I cried wolf to my self way too many times and now my warning bells go unheard.

What I’m trying to say here, and maybe failing at, is that the path of self discovery should precede any other “journey” we begin. Or at least till the time, we walk this road, all other adventures should be detours. Or that’s my take on it. One must try at an early age to pin point the things that make them wake up in the morning with excitement or enthusiasm. To put it off to another day is a gamble with all the odds against you. Man is alive now, and he must know his destiny in the moment he lives in. I made the mistake of going too far on a detour and now I can’t seem to find the highway.

There are very few who are born with the knack for knowing their subconscious. For us lesser mortals, hit and trial is a highly risky, and yet the only option open. One thing I noticed to be true in all my hits, and misses, was that it gets worse with every attempt. And life doesn’t give you a “time-out” to figure it out. The lack of self awareness snowballs into ultimate calamity.

In such times, some truths always saw me through. I share them here for those who are sailing in my boat. I still take up the most room. I doubt there’s another soul as clueless as me out there.

1. Mum is literally always right. The woman has an inbuilt alarm that goes off whenever she senses that something’s threatening you. Listen to her.

2. Have a friend around to bounce your doubt off of. It’ll help you get in touch with how you really feel. My best friend tells me to pull my socks up even before I do something to get myself in a soup.

3. Admit to your flaws and failings. Accepting you have a problem is the only way to even have a shot at fixing it. Conscious thought and effort are your only hope mate…

4. NEVER ever turn your back to those who love you. These people are wise and sensitive. They would have to be. Loving someone who doesn’t know their own selves takes a higher being.

5. Patience is a virtue for more reasons than I can count. You took a pretty long time to mess your life up. Give life some time to straighten you out.

6. Solitude helps only if you know how to use it. Otherwise, it’s just an excuse to let depression settle in. Be very careful of crossing the line beyond which help is scarce.

7. Music is my saviour. Truly, the kind of pain Pink Floyd will heal, morphine wont. Trust the big guys. They knew what they were talking about. Enjoy their weed induced wisdom without the aftermath.

8. Believe in yourself. Or you will fail yourself each and every single time. The victories will turn to defeat before you can finish your thank you speech.

9. Invest. Invest in something that drives you. Invest emotionally, physically, and mentally. You need to know that it matters that you pick yourself up. Something must drive you to take the responsibility on your shoulders for its success or failure. Try it. It works. You’ll find out a truck load about yourself.

10. Lastly, only what you truly wants will ever come to you. Ask yourself what you want every day and see the difference. You will find yourself with some answers and some blanks. The blanks take time to fill out, but the answers will guide you in understanding your desires and needs much more than this blog will.

I hope that the reader finds something useful here. This is the crux of all the mails I’ve been getting lately.. Yeah the ones that try to get me to see the bigger picture and life coach like raving and ranting. All the things that are supposed to make you feel warm and fuzzy.. full of hope, not all pretty, not all easy, will help you smoothen out the creases in the blueprint of your lives. The harder it seems now, the easier it gets later. Give yourself a chance. That’s all I ask.