This Journey, The Fight.


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I’ve circled back,
To this moment again,
Rooted to this spot,
Waiting in vain.

Your eyes are shut tight,
You’re struggling to remember,
I look at you and miss,
That grey and dark November.

Such change is here,
Such distances are near,
The comfort of your words,
Has made way for its own fear.

Yes its the same story,
It is yet again, retold,
In silence we strive,
To smile in a life so cold.

It’s journey we’re meant to live,
Of stoic faith and solid hope,
It’s a test of courage,
Like when lovers elope.

At the end, sits a reality,
Meant only for the worthy,
Who’ve done their time,
Renounced pleasure, worldly.

It’s this life, here, right now,
Peace, quiet, and love  is all,
That’s left at the end of the fight,
To the finish line, even if you crawl.

And Just Maybe…


Every so often you come and sit right in the middle of my mind. Every so often, I can only see every single moment I ever spent with you. Every so often I feel weak. Troubled. Tormented and harassed. Every so often. Every time I turn around I see a reminder of what I’ve lived through. Every time I see a boy and a girl walking together I see us. Or what used to be. Every time I drive down that street, I remember the conversation. I remember what I was to you and I’m sorry. Sorry that I was alive in a story that existed only in my head. Where you have taken up too much space for far too long. Its been a year since the masks fell. Its been a year of dragged steps towards a haunted healing and a haunted life. A year where I took two steps forwards and four steps back. Every so often, I feel sorry. I feel sorry for you and sorry for me. I feel sorry for all that couldn’t be. Maybe its a story of two different people, not us. Maybe its all just a story conjured in my head. Maybe. Maybe I was meant to be without you from the very first. Maybe,  just maybe, you were right. Maybe I’m the best that I could be, without you.

Walls


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I lay brick over brick,
Laboriously I build,
Walls so tall around me,
So no one around can see.

I paint myself invisible,
I hide myself away,
Behind those walls, so mighty,
So no one can touch me, even slightly.

I welcome the night,
It brings with it the darkness,
A blanket, if you will,
Under which I can lie, still.

It’s not my fears,
That make me look away,
It’s the pain of my misery,
It’s us, and our history.

It’s the walking away,
It’s the breaking of hearts,
It’s how you tore me down,
Turned every smile to a frown.

It’s these walls alone,
That can keep me safe,
Away from the eyes,
Away from a love that dies.

I build these walls,
Brick by each brick,
To keep myself hidden,
To save me from the anarchy within.

Heaven’s Gates


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Everything has changed,
Radically different lives,
Radically different people,
As if I look upon the world from a steeple.

Heart’s change their beat,
Eyes change their color,
With every step I change the course,
Of my journey, with brute force.

Standing in the distance is our past,
Reminding us of times long gone,
When we wanted to run to our now,
And today we stand here wondering how.

How did the paths change,
Twist upon themselves,
And bring us here,
Leave us wondering if anyone is near.

But I see just you in my eyes,
A little brighter today,
A reflection of us alone,
Just so in my heart you fit.

Our lives melt together,
Like a kaleidoscopic mirror,
We see the world go by,
Like watching the clouds against the sky.

Archaic change constantly haunts,
We fall in step with life,
Holding hands we’ll walk to one side,
Weathering the storm, rain and the tide.

Like those stories we heard,
Of the happily ever afters,
We will live them with stubborn resolve,
Until fate’s stoic resistance dissolves.

Wait for me, and I shall follow,
Follow you into the love,
At the end of time that waits,
Welcomes us, at Heaven’ Gates.

Darkness in Disguise


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At the speed of light,
This  puzzle is changing,
In a moment alone,
The shadows are fading.

Strength seeps back,
Into my hands and into my heart,
I suddenly see the truth,
All but clouded from the start.

Slow but sure am I,
As I begin to conceive,
Healing is contentment,
In the lessons we receive.

Some dreams that shattered,
Were just the blessing,
I couldn’t see beyond the tears then,
Mea Culpa, I am now confessing.

Leaving behind the many follies,
I ask for almighty’s kind forgiveness,
May today fairness be mine,
Interspersed with some happiness.

I’ll carry my lessons with me,
Bravely decorated with them I’ll live,
My badge of honor they shall be,
Until there’s nothing left to forgive.

One day when you will arrive,
You’ll hold my hand and sit beside,
We’ll know the truth and dream together,
Wont ever let that faith subside.

Love is designed to be crazy
Life is nothing without a fight,
Being with you is enough,
All I could want, if I might.

I came to you broken,
You fixed me and made me right,
Heartbreak is just God,
Disguised as the darkness at night.

 

I Wonder


All my life will go by,
I will exist in your world,
Will you see me standing,
Right by your side?

You will have made promises,
Of solidarity and love,
If to me alone or to many,
I wonder if you’ll remember.

I don’t know who you are yet,
But one day when i will,
Will you be the same,
Or will the mask fall away?

I look strong and brave,
In my love and sacrifices,
I wonder if you’ll see,
If you’ll understand my weakness.

I see myself in your eyes,
Do your eyes voice your heart,
Or do I see a reflection,
Of only my own desires?

As the beat of the music changes,
The rhythm makes my feet move,
I fall in step with you,
I wonder if its you or the song.

Today, I’m but a girl,
Tomorrow, I will be a woman,
Will you understand the difference,
And love me, I wonder.

You’ll Be Fine


It’s a funny thing,
The desire to defend,
Another from a foe,
Unknown, yet hated.

A friend might love,
As unconditionally,
As would a parent,
Love their child.

It’s protective and defensive,
It’s easy and eccentric
This bond between,
Two friends like us.

You’ll push me to mischief,
Save me from its consequences,
Force me to take chances,
And mend my broken heart.

The urge to share,
Every moment of everyday,
Some incidents with mirth,
Others with remorse.

You are my witness,
As am I yours,
Our trails run parallel,
Right through each other’s hearts.

Secret-keeper, mystery-seeker,
Confessional, my arsenal,
I need no other,
With you riding shotgun.

You’re my team,
We’re two of a kind,
Wreck havoc on him,
On whom we set our minds.

After all these years,
I believe you every time,
When you look at me in tears,
And tell me, “You’ll be fine.”