A Bit of Me


Image

After all this time,
And after all these years,
I feel possessed,
By the spirit of the wanderer.

Ever so often in the breeze,
I smell the scent of the sea,
I feel the rays of the sun,
In a city unlike my own.

A picture pulls my mind,
Into its blue blue waters,
The depth of the landscape,
And all I want now, is an escape.

I’d live in an image,
I’d breathe in the air,
The smell of the earth,
In a city, not my own.

Packed bags just sit waiting,
Tired feet waiting to walk,
A mind starved of new thoughts,
Life, just waiting on itself.

And so I collect these pictures,
Pretty pictures of places yet to see,
Of people yet to meet,
And a lil bit of me, yet to know.

All this wrapped up in a bundle,
I set out to see,
To live in my here and now,
And find the missing bit of me.

And, I’m Scared.


When I feel a stirring in my heart, I’m scared.
Scared if its the beginning of something.
When my breath catches in my throat at the sound of a name, I panic.
I panic that this feeling wont go. Its a premonition.
A premonition of pain coming my way.
I cant pay the price of a beating heart.
The hollowness inside comes much cheaper and leaves a bit of me alive.
Helps me make it to the end.
I came here to live and all I’m left with is survival.
The complete annihilation of my being stares me in my face every second of every day that I let a sliver of hope look me in the eye and show me the possibilities.
I close my eyes, and brush aside the vision, turn around and run, run like the devil himself was hot on my heels.
The shadow of a hand reaching for mine, the mere idea, makes me shiver with repulsion.
It’s repulsive, the thought of you coming into my days, changing them and leaving.
Leaving me alone, incapable of the thought of existence beyond you.
This cannot happen to me again, not one more time.
The flimsy threads holding my bones together threaten to collapse.
To take all I’ve built down with them. This must not happen.
I must soldier through your spell and deflect your charm.
Words are misleading, actions  disappointing, promises are empty and love is imaginary.
This is my last chance. Escape and liberation are my only shot at salvation.
And I will not let them go. I will escape.
Because I’m scared of falling in love.
I’m scared, of you.