Sailor and Sensei.


Two friends, a Sailor and a Sensei, amidst a conversation about love, friendship and camaraderie, found an interesting interlude and share it here for all to see. My good friend Arjun (http://arjun1097.wordpress.com/), the sailor, this one is going out all guns blazing.

Sailor: I fly where my heart taketh
The shining light I must follow
Like a moth to a flame
I’ll burn but with peace.

Sensei: Fly where your heart taketh?
Pay no heed to your mind?
This journey is too long my dear,
To be wasted chasing birds of the wrong kind.

Sailor: The heart desires but is naive
It knows not good from bad
Makes me chase them birdies
But in d end I always return heartbroken;sad.

Sensei: Let the mind guide thy heart,
The heart shall always stumble,
The wounds  won’t heal soon,
Why must with ur loyalties you fumble.

Salior: Call me a hopeless romantic
A servent of my petty heart.
I seek inadvertent destruction
I guess ive been d same from start

Sensei: Follow your bliss lil one,
Pay no heed to my cynicism,
life was never fair lil one,
My romantic antics were always met with criticism.

Sailor: But why is that sensei?
Who tainted an emotion so pure?
Replaced by sex lies n deciet
Along with selfish materialistic lures

Sensei: Why must I put a name
The faces were so many
Even the purity of friendship was lost
And all that I was, was sold for a penny.

Sailor: Where did we stray?
N how do we come back?
Atleast I have u sensei
Amidst all of this crap

Sensei: You do, my companion from afar,
May this journey lead us back,
To the place where it all began,
Where all was good we were on the right track.

Sailor: The prints have been smudged
Blown clear with the wind
Only road lies ahead unexplored
Who knows what tales it sings?

Sensei: Its only human to err,
Bring on the future,
It’ll be all good,
I’m done with the torture.

Sailor: Wish I had ur swagger sensei.
I feel subdued like a lil mouse.
Hiding deep inside
The confines of my house

Sensei: Give yourself credit sailor,
You’re as honest as they come,
Swagger and shit be damned,
Oodles of confidence, could I have some?

Sailor: U need none sensei
Ur already a master.
Wouldnt wanna mess with u
That’ll just end a disaster

Sensei: You leave me stumped yoda,
There is a puzzle I see on this scene,
You seem to have christened me,
Tell me, what does sensei mean??

Sailor: Sensei means guru in japanese
Use a thing called google.
Sensei are masters of living elements
N enjoy eating soupy noodles

Sensei: Oriental I could tell it was,
But as for my sloth,
I blame my brother,
He’s on the net and I don’t wanna invite his wrath. ,

Sailor: Lol d net sucks my balance
The stupid plan hasnt activated yet.
Btw meeting a friend tomorrow
Everything looks set.

Sensei: They call it a gprs pack,
Call the folks at customer care,
Yay for tomorrow’s plans,
Hope you enjoy the company and the hearty fare.

Sailor: Stupid thing takes a day to start
Whose idea was that?
Ppl wanna be online dont they know?
I wanna beat em till they crack

Sensei: Feel for you matey,
my blood boils every time,
A bill or a plan must change,
Days it takes for peace to be mine.

Sailor: Who gets these ideas really?
Sucks to d core right?
Sensei before my balance runs dry
M gonna have to say nitey nite.

Sensei: Aww you poor thing,
Nightcrawler must retire,
Make the most of it,
Rest you bones, weary and tired.

Sailor: Goodbye for now sensei
Do copy the entire poem down
It may be stupid
But I like d way it sounds.

Sensei: Will do my best kiddo,
Quite stupid I find this app,
But this conversation has been special,
I’ll let you go ahead and catch a nap.

Sailor: Nitey nite sensei.

As Within So Without.


It’s an awakening to find your self in unfamiliar territory with no directions and absolutely no faith. Being lost is one thing. Being lost and helpless is another. Ask a child who got separated from his parents in a crowd. Heart in his throat, scary stories of what happens to abducted kids in his mind. But we aren’t kids anymore. Now we’re as helpless as we believe ourselves to be. Now regardless of how lost we are, our intuitions have been trained to guide us. Finding your inner peace and direction takes some serious practice, and a good measure of patience. Our gut and the weapons we need to use it, have to be earned through a lot of suffering and pain. But the fruits of this labor are as sweet, as the taste of life without it is bitter.

Coming from a rough childhood and a pretty adventurous teenage, I’d mastered the art of living in the moment with not a care for tomorrow. Somehow, with time, what everyone else wanted and needed from me became more important, took priority. So it was no wonder that I always got the thin end of the stick, and the way that astounded me was sad. Unaware of the simplest of life’s truths. You are exactly what you want to be. I wanted to be the sacrificial lamb. I wanted to be relevant and I chose to do that by giving a piece of me to everyone.

It’s been a harsh lesson. One that I had learnt before too, but it was too long ago and I was much stronger then. I’ve started the journey of trusting myself again. It’s such a revelation. Human beings, as a rule, will believe anything that makes them feel like they’re the victim and that they are entitled to protection and vindication, in any form. At least the majority of them do. It’s a vice that takes a lot of gumption to break out of. I’ve been struggling with it. I should know.

So since life waits for no one, I figured, I had better relearn the good stuff. It’s been a long, tough, and tiring journey, and by no means is it over, but boy has it taught me what I’m really made of. It took a lot of work from a lot of people for me to even begin this journey. I wish that everyone sooner or later opens their eyes to what it is that they really want from themselves. What they want from the world and what the world wants from them is secondary. Hard lesson but well learnt. Sometimes situations make us want things that we don’t really need. In those moments of weakness, we make choices that hang around our necks like our personal crucifixes. The art to rising above, is literally that- Rise above. Learn to step back and take a look. An objective and impassioned look at the stakes. Too close to the system and you’ll miss the glitch, that’s the usual story. I’m learning to step back with all the faith and optimism in me. My only hope to fix and understand the mysteries that come with the age and time I live in, is to arm myself with everything that is strong in me.

Also, I’ve learnt the value of self- investment. Let me simplify- invest in yourself. It could be anything, but as long there is one thing that you do everyday for purely selfish reasons, you’ll find its much easier to be a better person. My partner in crime, Snigdha recently commented, and she does that a lot so it’s hard to keep a track, but she recently commented on how I seemed calmer. Those of you who know me, know that calmness is not my strong suit. She also brought to my notice, the fact that I’m absolutely ungrateful and ungracious about receiving compliments. Low self- esteem maybe? Remnants of a misspent adolescence? You bet. Both these observations arose from my personal growth project(top-secret). This self- investment has given me the pause that I needed now, more than ever. It’s teaching me to step back. It’s showing me my flaws. My friends and family are happier around me, and I could not be happier seeing them breathe easy again. Such peace I’ve found after years, and I say this with not an iota of exaggeration(touch wood).

I still fight my demons and still question myself every now and then. The difference is, that now I know that I can make the best of what I get. The way I see it, too many lemons make for a lot of tequila. I raise a toast to everyone who will land on this page to read my midnight ramblings and rants. Thank you for being a part of the healing. Thank you for giving me the push to get the sickness out of me. I’m not accepting an award, and this is not my acceptance speech, but now that the flood gates have been opened, the gratitude just cannot be contained.

This post is very personal to me and I want a few of you to know how much you helped. Mum n Dad, I’m speechless and stunned at your sheer capacity for love and respect. It’s always going to be my most important achievement that I could make you proud, in any small way that I could. Snigdha, I don’t have to say it. Words wont do you justice and you’re not someone who can be shortchanged. I hope I bring as much color to your life as you bring to mine. SC and PK(I’m assuming you guys will want this kept under wraps) god bless you for silently supporting me. Every coffee break and every gossip and gyan session means more to me than I will ever be able to tell you. You took me under your wings as protectively and unconditionally as I could have hoped for. Abhishek, my late night walking buddy, for hearing all my theories and stories and for being a constant critic to all my writing. You’re right, I’m fun. Arjun, for this beautiful gift that you gave me without knowing how desperately I needed it.  All the advice and all the trash talk has been legendary. And last, but by no means the least, Akshit, by bloodhound of a brother, for pampering me one minute and fighting about who gets the remote the second. You’ve reminded me of how it feels to have family around. You’re way too cute and cuddly for me to resist. I hope you tap into all that latent potential and become the best that you can be.

What would life be without that random phone call, the impromptu dinner, the bitching and tale tattling, the crazy adventures and escapades, the all nighters and the sweet soft moments with people you love. My sincere gratitude and a simple thank you to everyone who’s a part of my story. The balance that I seem to have found has come after paying a heavy price. My one take away is this: peace comes with practice and patience. And when it does, situations don’t matter and adversity backs down in front of you. Truly, one must be as within as one is without.

Never Before.


A quiet night, the usual  silence,

Struggling with my internal violence,

Stiffly I lay, upon my bed,

Enough’s been heard, way too much said.

 

Thinking of us, is my nightly ritual,

Ironically, it feels almost spiritual,

To analyze our divine creation,

My personal brand of drug addiction.

 

I take heart from the light within,

Every new breath feels like a win,

Each day they say, is a small victory,

But to my purpose, survival is contradictory.

 

Just like the pages of a book,

Our story needs a deeper look,

It doesn’t flow, the way it ends,

The author needs to make amends.

 

Every night before I sleep,

Memories rush forth, and I weep,

Clarity grows with passing time,

Of those old days, so divine.

 

This road led to another direction,

Now the destination is the intent’s reflection,

Inverted and distorted it all feels,

With agony and pain, my mind reels.

 

Its been too long since I took a break,

My dedication to us, did not flake,

So be it, that you are not around,

I’ll suffer your silence and bear your rebound.

 

This door shall always been open,

You’ll just find my spirit a little broken,

The pain shall greet you as well,

You must forget the past, don’t dwell.

 

A girl here, for you is waiting,

Her silence may be a little misleading,

A little more time and space for you,

You need not now, wait for a  cue.

 

But should your mind still be in a fix,

Take your time, break the hex,

Love means not having to give a reason,

I’ll wait for you, through every season.

 

These are the words I leave you with,

We are real, true love’s no myth,

Close your eyes, you’ll see me clearly,

I’ve never before, missed you so dearly.

The Soundtrack To My Life.


Each  morning the first thing I have almost always done has been- turn on the music. Sometimes even turn it off. I’ve realized how the gift of music is a constant in almost everyone’s life. I love how romantic human beings are, specially my generation, and how we need a soundtrack to go along with it. I’ve seen the sheer love for music change so many lives, its amazing.

My high school buddy who moonlights as a lounge performer three nights a week, the professor who could never leave his college band, despite his own circumstances, he never could cut the cord.. And we still see him performing every now and then with his buddies who went ahead and built careers in the music industry.

What I want to talk about, is not about the ones whose affection for music is married to their love for the stage. I want to talk about you. People like you and me who are always plugged in, no matter where you are and who you’re with. Who have everything from Led Zeppelin to Bruno Mars on their playlists. Who break into a sweat when they see the batteries of the iPods dying and no chargers around. Those of you who grew up looking at their dad’s listening to Dire Straits and Deep Purple and mum’s listening to ABBA and Judy Garland. Whose downloads are always on and queued. Piracy be damned.

These are the people who have music running through their veins and holding up their bones. They have it when they’re at work, when they’re at play, when they’re asleep and while they’re awake. What is it about this religion that never dies? That the prayers never stop. That the dedication never waivers… The pilgrimages don’t end. At the mere rumor that Metallica is coming to India, the excitement was palpable, and when the tickets were announced, the rush was unimaginable. Akon in the country sent people nuts. He was warned to not jump into these crowds… They treat artists like gods here. Statutory warning Rock out at your own risk.

I know this guy who knows every last classic rock song ever known to mankind. I’m as addicted to rock as the next guy, but this one managed to exasperate me once. When I commented, he came back with, “Give me music, and I shall bliss out”. I never questioned him again. When something becomes one’s go to remedy for almost any occasion, happy or sad, you know it’s their brand of meditation. And what answers wont come wearing long robes in a green garden with your eyes closed, will probably come lying in bed with the voice of Adele serenading you. Sometimes music reverberates in your soul and transcends time and space to take you to an alternate plane of sheer numb bliss. Its been sung about and celebrated often enough…

I have a song for every mood, every situation, every day, and everyone. I’ve recently discovered my dependency and its chronic nature. So while writing this post, I asked a few of my friends, “What does music do for you that nothing else does?”. After the usual presumptuous shots at spirituality and karmic connections, some honesty came my way. Its simple. Music is a part of nature. It’s as natural is breathing. It’s as natural as love. And while its beauty is interpreted differently by everyone, the simplicity and complexity of music can mirror that of love. I feel giddy listening to Adele, excited when I hear the Black Eyed Peas come on, weightless with Pink Floyd and Deep Purple. I still remember how Dad used to play the Eagles for us at home. My introduction to Hotel California went a little like this, “Sweetheart, you might not get this now,but just give it a shot. I promise that this song will be your favorite at 14.” He was right. He was right about this when I turned 14, and he was right my little brother turned 14 as well. When I heard Sweet Child of Mine for the first time, I remember thinking it was a whole lot of screaming and fuss over nothing. But since we were a guitar playing, rock quoting generation, at the age where the older the song the better, I had to hear it at every birthday, sleep over, dance, everywhere, until the time it was on my playlist and made its way to my ring tones. Rock literally fought its way back into my life over and over again. I am grateful as can be to the Gods of Rock.

Music helped me navigate through some pretty rough waters. I owe the fact that I managed to paint a brave picture most times because I had something to turn to. Music is the moderator to my moods and a channeling force for my emotions. Keeps them streamlined and healthy. You might call it a work out for the stressed out mind. As a fellow writer very eloquently put it,” Music takes me away. It paints a picture with the lyrics and the melody, and I’m just engulfed in the landscape.” I couldn’t agree more. I love how the paint and the strokes belong to the listener, but its the artist’s canvas. He sets the limits, gives you the space, to build memories, capture moments, write a story.

Someone hears Floyd’s Coming Back to Life at a dark pub, sitting with their date, and trust you me, next time he’s at a boy’s night out on a Saturday, all the guy will remember is the girl. And exactly how he felt with her that evening, the conversation, the place, all crystal clear. This is what music does. It sets the tone to your life and you don’t even realize it. The girl who got serenaded by her first love, will always have a tear for the song, even after the boy is long gone. And there will always be that one song, that will pierce through you after many years, for the very reasons it filled you with love before. Books wont do it, movies won’t do it. Music will.

This is my tribute to everyone on this side of the stage. The one’s holding up the marsh pits and the lighters. You who’s always thumping with the beats, and walking in tune to the song in your head. I think it’s high time we got a shout out too..  For the sheer love of the art, the dedication to follow its evolution, and the utter dependency we have on it to document our lives. Till the next song… be seeing you.

The Best Kept Secret


“The Secret” I rediscovered today,

My bedside buddy from those long nights,

I’ve missed the wisdom and tales alike,

It’s been out of mind since it fell out of sight.

 

As simple a read as any, this one,

But it packs a punch like none other,

The message it holds for one and all,

That your desire, is your destiny’s mother.

 

It taught me a lesson, when I was young,

I was moonstruck and silly in my love for you,

It taught me how it worked, the law of attraction,

And how it was, that love only graced a few.

 

I drank it all in, and imbibed the message,

Slowly and steadily, I mastered the art,

But never was I known for my student skills,

I got what I wanted, and forgot the rest of the part.

 

Years have passed, life has come full circle,

I stand right where I was all those years ago,

I guess the time has finally arrived,

To begin the climb, and let life and love together flow.

 

Why must I weep for your departure,

Or wait for your possible return,

When I can pray and dream of our life instead,

And just let every tear and all the pain burn.

 

Our stories will always be intertwined,

I feel blessed to have lived the dream,

You helped me develop my attitude of gratitude,

Made me so happy that I could scream.

 

No more tears I promise you today,

That’s not the welcome I wish for you,

You’ll find the red carpet rolled out,

Along with everything as fresh as dew.

 

Life is about taking chances,

I took one that didn’t pay,

Lost a gamble, that’s no biggie,

But don’t you forget, to cease the day.

 

I feel like I found an old friend again,

A friend, guide and philosopher, this book,

It’ll give you the answers that you seek,

Just give it a shot, take a look.

 

I will us to come to our senses,

I pray, see, and hope for it to manifest,

I will hold on to the remenants of my courage,

I will prove my mettle, I will pass this test.

 

A little faith, a little hope, a little love will go a long way,

Believe in what you know to be true,

Introduce your destiny to it’s master,

For enlightenment to flow, that’s the cue.

 

Let’s take charge today, of our minds and souls,

Let’s come together and make a change,

Let’s create a world made up of love,

Where lonliness and anger, just feel strange.

 

This will work, the fates assure me,

That this time, there will be no regret,

Let the big guy up there work his magic,

While I let you in, on the best kept secret.

My Thorny Path.


I stand behind this door,

A door larger than the room behind,

If it’s holding me in or keeping you out,

It doesn’t say, to me it isn’t kind.

 

I push and lean against it,

All my strength and might I give,

It doesn’t budge, not even a little,

I wonder if I must push till I live.

 

I hear your voice from beyond,

Beyond the great barricades you stand,

You sound distant and act it too,

There’s no pain like this in all the land.

 

But the power of love understands none of this,

All it see’s are two fools, desperate to damage,

The purest form of life ever known to both,

And kill it till there’s nothing left to salvage.

 

That very force renews my resolve,

I take this bull by its horns and try,

This time I feel the doors give a little,

I push harder, the sheer effort makes me cry.

 

To humor me, the door gives a little,

A shadow in retreat I see, but just a glimpse,

Heart racing, I shove harder with renewed life,

The door falls open, and I,with relief, limp.

 

Alas, my fears are realised,

For what lies beyond is not you,

What lies beyond is just the path,

The path you walked, to everything new.

 

I see your footsteps in the tracks,

I see the misery in every time you looked back,

You believed I held the keys to past,

Can’t call out, through the tears, my voice wont crack.

 

So now I’m stranded on the other side,

Where you always stood tall,

This feels distorted, it makes my skin crawl,

I swallow my pride, and brace myself for the fall.

 

I walk in your wake, intimidated by the forest,

Looked upon with disdain by the night,

Head bowed in shame, I trudge along,

Your memory remains my only fuel in this fight.

 

Apprehension settles in my bones,

Your face swims in front of my face,

This is my last chance at being rescued,

From my own devilry and disgrace.

 

And so I must embrace this fear,

I must befriend the pain and your wrath,

The crime is mine, now so is the punishment,

I accept the retribution, and walk along this thorny path.